


The Thing About Love

by Annie_Is_A_Contranym



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death (backstory really), Romance/Friendship - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-13
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-26 11:27:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/965413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annie_Is_A_Contranym/pseuds/Annie_Is_A_Contranym
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas are former college besties who lost all ties with each other abruptly. Family and friends conspire to reunite them more than a decade after Dean walked out on Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Still avoiding my WIP so I thought I'd take the opportunity to review some of my completed stuff and post here....

THEN: 11 Years Ago….

Castiel Novak watched helplessly as his best friend and roommate cleaned out his belongings, stuffing everything into an oversize duffle bag. Dean Winchester had shared a room and a life with him for the past two and a half years. They'd met the first day of freshman year and despite being complete opposites, they'd become fast friends. Inseparable, they'd seen each other through everything. When Dean was close to failing classes, Cas was the one who stayed up all night studying with Dean, asking him test questions, ensuring he passed. When Cas was being bullied by seniors, Dean was the one who made sure they never bothered him again. Cas had never missed any of Dean's football games and Dean was the guy holding Cas's head over the toilet when he had too much to drink. Their friends often joked that if it wasn't for Dean's slutty ways when it came to girls, and the fact that Cas was in a serious relationship with his girlfriend for almost year, they'd think the pair was married. They certainly were physically comfortable with each other. One of them always had an arm slung around the other and whenever friends were crashing in their room, they had no problem sharing a bed in full view of everyone. Dean had become Castiel's family on campus.

"So this is it? You're leaving?" Cas was confused and upset. He ran a hand through his dark locks as if understanding could be pulled outlike strands of hair. "You're weeks away from final exams and you're just going to quit?"

"I'm not quitting Cas," Dean replied without pausing his packing. "I'm just putting school on hold for a bit. You know my dad hasn't been well. I gotta go take care of Sammy"

Cas could spot the untruth there. He knew Dean better than anyone else. There was something about the way Dean wouldn't look at him that didn't feel right.

"That's bull Dean. You can hang on for the few more weeks and finish out the year. I spoke with Sam three days ago. It's not a dire situation."

"Maybe it's dire to me! Did ya think about that genius?" Dean sounded bitter almost which confounded Cas even more. Dean stopped his ramshackle packing and sighed, his shoulders heaving dramatically.

"Dean," Cas uttered softly , "Is it me? Did I do something?"

Castiel sounded so afraid and the pained sound was like an arrow driving into the chest of Dean. Because it had been something he'd done. Dean had loved Castiel as a friend and a brother from the moment they met. Despite the awkward social manner and the use of vocabulary that often had Dean guessing, there’d been an immediate bond there that had grown more profound over time. Then the damn idiot decided he was going to propose to his girlfriend Meg.

Suddenly faced with a future that didn't include Castiel 24/7, Dean started noticing his feelings for Cas were a little more than brotherly. As he watched Cas, he became so aware of his attraction to Cas. The guy was gorgeous and even if he’d never noticed himself, there’d been enough females willing to point out just how blue his eyes were and how his perpetually dry chapped lips made a person wonder what they’d feel like travelling over skin. He also became are of how attraction lead to his desire for Cas. Yeah, he could be honest if he felt like it. He wanted those lips travelling on his skin. He wanted that voice, all smoke and bass, whispering in his ear. Dean had become very aware of his desire for his best friend. Unfortunately, he also became aware of how wrapped up in his girlfriend Cas was. Even if Dean decided to forego the big gay freak out he’d wrestle with and go after a relationship with Cas, he knew that Cas simply wasn't in the same head (heart?) space.

He'd tried sticking it out. He told himself he could do it. He could finish the year and wish the couple happy and even stand up as Cas's best man at the wedding but he couldn't really lie to himself even if he was an expert at lying to everyone else. It hurt too much to see them together. It hurt too much to lie in his bed at night and listen to Cas's breathing without wanting to press his lips against Cas's shoulder and hold him close. The only way he could make this work was if he requested a room change and there was no way he could do that without raising too many questions; without hurting Cas. So he was going home to lick his wounds and try to heal his heart.

"Is it, Dean?" Cas's soft voice hooked right into Dean's heart.

He turned around and looked at Cas whose eyes had begun watering up. Dean walked over to him and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Don't ever think that Cas. C'mon, you know you're perfect, man." Dean buried his nose into the nape of the smaller man's neck. "You're the best thing in my life. How could it possibly be you?"

Cas held tight to Dean. When Dean tried to pull back and end the hug, Castiel held him close. They pressed their foreheads together and stood there for a minute or two.

"Don't leave me," Cas whispered, "Please don't leave me. Tell me how to make you stay."

"I can't stay Cas. I can't."

Dean stepped out of the embrace, pulling Cas’s arms from around him and returned to the bed to pick up the duffle bag. He had most of his stuff packed already. Whatever he left behind Cas could keep or throw out. He just needed to be gone before he did something really stupid. He picked the bag up and turned to leave. Cas looked panicked now.

"Dean…" he pleaded turning the name into all manner of entreaty. His head tilted, he stared at Dean with those big beautiful blues.

Dean steeled his nerve, nodded to Cas and headed for the door. He began to turn the doorknob when stopped, dropped his bag and walked back to where Castiel was standing. Without slowing down or any visible sign of hesitation, Dean cupped Cas's face in his hands and leaned in. His eyes closed just as his lips hit Cas's and damn if those chapped lips didn't feel as soft and textured as he'd imagined they would be. Holding Cas's face steady he moved his lips against Cas's and was surprised to find that Cas was kissing him back _. A taste of heaven_ he thought. A taste of heaven to help him endure his hell.

He pushed Cas back and away from him.

"Don't come after me." He growled before turning to grab his bag and leave without looking back.

Castiel stood there in shock, confused and contemplating what to do. By the time he came to his senses and sprinted after Dean, it was too late. A fellow student, Chuck, told him that Dean had gotten a ride off campus with one of his football buddies. He sat down on the stairs outside the building and looked at the empty road for a long while. He wasn't exactly sure what he had lost in the preceding moments but he knew it would impact the rest of his life.

NOW: Present Day

"Dean!" Castiel shouted up the stairwell in his home, "You know I love you, but I swear if you're not downstairs and in the car in five minutes, there will be no pie for you all weekend!"

He heard a resounding thud in response and what sounded like someone scrambling to get themselves together and down the stairs in less than five minutes. He smiled. The loss of pie privileges threat worked every time. Dean did love his pie.

His cell phone rang and he answered it as he moved two travel bags closer to the front door.

"Hello Gabriel…..yes I am running behind schedule…no, no, Dean simply did not want to cooperate this morning…..he'll be fine, you know he gets when I have to travel for work…..yes I used the pie threat….yes it worked, I hear him coming down the stairs now….we'll be leaving now so see you in a bit Gabriel."

He looked up at the figure trudging down the stairs. "About time Dean. Let's get these bags in the car so I can lock up."

"Can you manage to carry your bag?" Cas asked handing him the smaller of the bags.

Bright blue eyes that were exact replicas of his own looked back at him and winked.

"Sure thing Papa. Let's go give Unca Gabe some trouble!"


	2. Chapter 2

Gabriel Speight looked lovingly at his nephew who was rifling through the top of his desk.

"Why do you have a different last name than Papa, Unca Gabe?" Dean asked as he was trying to read some of the words on the papers and envelopes on Gabriel's desk.

"That's because I was a naughty boy who ran away from home because I wanted to be someone else." Gabe explained. "By the time I realized that we can't run from who we are, I'd already started my business with my new name. It just seemed easier to keep it than changed everything back."

"My name is Novak, just like Papa's!" little Dean exclaimed. "I like my name."

Gabriel laughed at his nephew. "I like your name too"

Dean suddenly looked excited. Grabbing an envelope off the desk, he started waving it around.

"This one has my name! I see my name here. Is it mine, Unca Gabe?"

Gabe scooped Dean up in his arms and took him over to the couch. He sat with the little boy in his lap and took the envelope from him.

"Yes, it's for you. You found my surprise. It's a letter from your Mama just for you. She wrote it for a long time ago before she had to go live with the angels in heaven."

Dean bounced up and down on his uncle's lap.

"Read it to me. Read it to me." He cried excitedly.

His mother had died shortly after his birth and even though he'd heard many, many stories about her from his Papa, he was always excited to hear more. Now here was an actual letter from her to him. Even though as a seven year old he could read a fair bit, a letter from his Mama was much too important to get any of the words wrong.

"Sure thing, Short-Stuff,” Gabe replied. “Just settle in. You should know that your mama gave this to me and asked me to keep it safe until you were old enough to understand it. To be honest I'd almost forgotten about it but I was getting something from my safe-box at the bank yesterday and saw it. I thought it'd be great to share with you this weekend. Also she told me it was a secret from your Papa and I was to only share it with you."

"Why would she do that?"

"I am the last person to ask about the working of Meg Masters-Novak's mind. I don't think anyone but your Papa ever truly understood her. She did love him though. I'll give her that."

He ruffled his nephew's hair and began to read the letter.

_My beautiful son,_

_I love you so much and I am so sorry that I am not there to tell you that in person or there to watch you grow up into an angel, like your father. You are the best thing to ever happen to your father and me. I would give anything to be with you but I guess the happiness I stole in life has come back to steal my life of happiness. That must sound confusing my beautiful baby boy but I'll explain everything._

_You see, I didn't have a family growing up. No mom or dad to love me or take care of me. I grew up in a number of different foster homes. To survive, I became what some people would call a mean girl. I didn't want to get hurt so I hurt people first. If I drove them away, then I wouldn’t become too attached to them and hurt when they leave. It became my pattern. Hurting people is what I did. My last set of foster parents wanted me to go to college so I could get a good job and take care of them in their old age. That's where I met your dad. He was so nice to me and for no reason other than that's the kind of person he is. No one had ever been kind to me or seemed to like me. At first I didn't understand it. I made fun of him. I stole from him. I tried humiliating him in front of his friends. It didn't matter. He was always the same sweet man with me._

_Was it any wonder that I fell completely in love with him? He made me want to be a better person, to want to be worthy of him. He is such a unique and rare person with magical powers that made my life as beautiful as he is. I called him my unicorn because people like him don't exist except in fantasy worlds. Only he did exist and he seemed to like me. When we started dating I was on top of the world, but me being me, I was scared. I was scared that he'd leave me and I'd go back to a life without sunshine. After knowing what it was like to be loved baby, I didn't want to – I couldn't – go back to a life without him. So I did a bad thing._

_Your father had a friend – a best friend. His name is Dean Winchester and yes you're named after him. When I was carrying you in my tummy, I found out I was sick and my sickness could make you sick. Your father and I decided on your name "Diniel" because he is the Angel of Protecting Infants but we knew we'd call you Dean. I always knew that if we had a son, I'd call you Dean because I stole your father away from Dean._

_Dean and your father loved each other. They were almost inseparable. I don't think they realized how much until I came into the picture. Dean was a real flirt and all the girls loved him. He dated pretty much everybody on campus. Sometimes I thought your dad only went out with me because it gave him something to do when Dean was busy with the girls on campus. Dean always went home to your dad though. No one meant more to Dean than your dad._

_There was this one night when I'd drunk too much at a party and your dad, hero that he is, rescued me. He brought me back to the room he and Dean shared. He made sure I was okay, tucked me into his bed and crawled into Dean's bed to sleep. When I woke up that morning, they were both still asleep but they were wrapped up in each other the way long married couples are sometimes. Dean was curled around your dad, hugging him and your dad's feet were tangled up in Deans and your dad was holding Dean’s arm tight to his chest. Baby, I got so scared. Here was the one person who could take your dad away from me. So I made it my mission to separate them._

_Nothing worked. It didn't matter that I took up all of your dad's free time or that I interrupted plans he and Dean had made. They were so in tune with each other that stuff like that didn’t bother them. They were so secure in their bond. So finally I told Dean some stuff that wasn't true. I told him your dad had asked me to marry him. Dean didn't believe me at first. He said your dad would have told him, which he would have if it were true. So then I told him that I was going to have a baby and that I'd asked your Dad not to tell anyone about it until after exams. My lies worked well; too well. A week later Dean left us and we’d never heard from him again._

_Your dad was devastated. He searched for over a year once his exams were done but Dean's family moved around lot. He was distraught and I was there to support him through it all. We did get married eventually but not until years later. My marriage to your father was the stuff dreams are made of. My unicorn's magic found some good inside of me and took a hold of it. I regret what I did. I really do. Your father is so deserving of everything good and as much as I tried to be everything good for him, I'd stolen the best and truest love he'd ever had. Dean loved him enough to give him a future with a wife and child. And maybe I didn't then, but now I love him enough to give him a future with Dean._

_My precious Diniel, my Dean, please find your namesake for me… for your father. Dean had a brother Sam who was going to be a lawyer. That might help. Ask your Uncle Gabriel for help. As much as he and I had our issues, he loves your dad as much as I do. He will help you. Your dad is the most deserving man in the world and I promise you that Dean will love you the minute he meets you. You came from his Cas so of course he will love you. I may have been a demon in life but help me do this one good thing. Let that be my legacy._

_I love you son. Wherever I am, whatever there is on the other side, I will always love you and your father. I want my family complete and only Dean can complete you. Find him and live a happy life my child._

_Mama._

Gabriel put the letter down and blinking back tears threatening to spill. Dean turned around in his lap, his own tears streaming down from his eyes. He wrapped his arms around Gabe's neck tight.

"Please Unca Gabe. Help me find Papa's Dean. Please help do what Mama asked. I havta. I havta find him for her."

Gabriel squeezed his nephew tight and nodded. "We'll find him slugger. We'll find him."


	3. Chapter 3

Sam Winchester threw a balled up piece of paper across his desk at his brother Dean who was laughing so hard his shoulders were shaking. It bounced off his head and fell to the floor. Dean had just cracked a joke about the state of Sam's hair, saying that if it grew any longer Sam could date himself and not worry about finding a girl.

"My love life is not up for discussion Dean," Sam said while rolling his eyes. "You think you know everything, but I may just surprise you one of these days."

Dean picked up the crumpled paper and threw it back at Sam.

"Yeah, yeah and when you do surprise me, I'll be surprised, in the meantime…"

"In the meantime, how about we chat about your current status?" Sam interrupted. He leaned forward, resting his forearms and elbows on his desk.

"What's up with you and Lisa? You guys getting serious?"

Dean stopped laughing. Until now he'd neither considered, nor had a serious relationship in his life. Relationships just weren't something he did. He enjoyed dating, he enjoyed sex and he hoped to have a family at some point in the future but there wasn't anyone he could ever see himself spending the rest of his life with. Not since Cas. _Whoa!_ He thought. _Where did that come from?_ Dean had finally gotten to the point where he could think about Castiel Novak without the sharp stab of pain that usually accompanied such thoughts and he was proud of it. But it hadn’t been an easy journey.

He'd spent the first three years after he left college, in a state of constant drunkenness. Moving around with his Dad and brother had helped. As long as he was on the move, he couldn't brood. At night however, lying in the bed of some cheap motel with neon lights flickering outside the window, he brooded. He brooded a lot. Eventually it got easier.

When Sam went away to college, Dean was left to take care of his father whose health was deteriorating rapidly due to alcoholism. After he and Sam buried his dad though, Dean knew that he had to pull his life together, if only for Sam's sake and he did. For a while he worked as a bartender and an auto-mechanic and then he unexpectedly inherited a piece of land in the wilderness that his Dad had owned. He set up a cabin style resort around the lake that was part of the property and things took off from there. Who knew so many yuppies wanted to play at being wilderness men?

He built the cabins himself but had some help with the main house which served as his home and the office for the resort. He didn't have bookings year round but he was making a comfortable living from just renting out the cabins and managing outdoor activities for the guests. HE even hired a few college kids as help-staff. When it was off season, he passed the time, tending bar at his friend Jo's pub. His life was about as far away from what he thought it would be but it was a good life.

When he wasn't up at the resort, Dean had an apartment in the city. It was close enough to Sam's that they could hang out together occasionally but not too close that they were tripping over each other's lives.

The question about Lisa stumped him. He liked her. He really did and he had been playing house a little, staying over at her home, spending time with her son Ben. He supposed she was as good a choice as any to settle down with, get hitched and have some kids but something had been holding him back. He didn't know what but it was there. He'd never invited her up to spend time with him at the resort for instance. Why not? He had no good idea. Maybe it was time to cross that hurdle and invite her in. See if he could make that commitment. Thinking about Cas never got him anywhere good. Maybe it was time to focus elsewhere.

"Don't know but maybe," he replied to Sam's question. "I think I'll invite her up to the cabins this season."

Sam smiled tightly. He knew his brother. He knew Dean wasn't in love with her. As far as Sam knew, Dean had only ever been in love with his college roommate and best friend. He remembered what Dean was like when he came back from college without a degree and his heart in pieces. He remembered what Dean was like when five years later, they ran into another college buddy, Chuck, at a coffee shop and he'd innocently asked how come he hadn't seen Dean at Castiel's and Meg's wedding. Dean just muttered something and left without ordering his drink. He was drunk for about a week after that. Then he went on a dating binge. Well more of a one-night-stand binge. He hooked up with anyone who was willing, male or female.

Dean had come a long way from those days but Sam still worried about him. Dean had done so much for Sam and Sam just wanted his brother to have the happiness he deserved.

"Great," he responded, "It'll be great to spend time with you guys when I come up to join you."

His intercom buzzed loudly and he heard his assistant's voice "Mr. Winchester, your eleven am appointment is here"

"Give me five minutes Becks, we're just wrapping up."

Dean was standing by this time. Sam got up and walked around his desk to give his brother a hug.

"You better be there in two weeks, bitch," Dean said while patting Sam on the back. "I'll need the help. All the cabins are booked then and those kids I hire need more supervision than I can provide."

"Wouldn't dream of missing it jerk. Though I may start charging you at my going rate for all the work I do."

Dean laughed "Hellz no. I can't afford your overpriced lawyer rates. I'm pulling the family card like I always do."

Outside Sam's office, Gabriel Speight, eyed the executive assistant warily. She kept smiling at him and looking at him sideways as if she'd like to eat him whole. She'd introduced herself as Becky and had seemed nice enough but those hungry looks were downright creepy. He'd offered her a lollipop as an ice breaker but the way she kept looking at him as she licked it suggestively was enough to turn him off sweets. Okay, maybe not enough to turn him off sweets but certainly enough to make him not want to put anything in his mouth in her presence.

He heard the door opening and stood up automatically. Two men came out and Gabriel's heart just stuttered. Now here was some candy that he could sink himself into. They were gorgeous. The shorter one (and shorter was relative as he was still taller than Gabe by a couple inches which could mean that he was easily six feet tall) was male model intense. All chiseled looks and green eyes and a jaw so sharp, you could slice your hand open caressing it. But it was the taller one who really caught Gabe's attention. Standing, what, six foot four, six foot five, the man was lean but broad, with over long hair and a face that was god-like in its beauty. _Please be Sam Winchester! Please be Sam Winchester!_ He found himself chanting in his mind. Some superior cosmic being must have heard because the shorter guy left after giving Gabe the once over.

Mr. Extra-Long-and-Sexy came over and extended his hand to Gabe which Gabe took without hesitation.

"Mr. Speight, I'm Sam Winchester. Come on in to my office and we can discuss what you need my help with.

After a somewhat awkward pause, Sam cleared his throat and said,

"Umm…you need to let go of my hand so we can go into my office"

_Oh yeah_ Gabe thought. _Or maybe not_

"Or we could walk in there holding hands," Gabe countered. "People hold hands while walking together all the time."

Sam spluttered. "Excuse me."

"Oh, I'd forgive you anything big boy." Gabriel sighed, "Sadly though this visit isn't about what I could give you, though we could keep that on the table for another time, so this is me releasing your hand so we can go into your office."

Sam followed him into the office wondering if he should call security now or at the very least leave the door to his office opened. He settled on whispering to Becky as he passed her desk,

"Don't go anywhere Becks. I may need you to interrupt this meeting for me if it gets weird."

Becky gave a exaggerated wink to let him know she was there for him.

Once he closed the door he turned around to see Gabriel had already made himself comfortable in one of the chairs. Sam sat down behind the desk.

"So what can I do for you Mr. Speight?"

"I need to track down Dean Winchester and I need you to tell me where I can find him.

Sam immediately closed up. He eyed Gabriel hard. He was very protective of his family.

"What is this about?"

Gabriel sighed. He'd known that Sam would take some convincing if he was to get anywhere close to the brother.

"Does the name Castiel Novak mean anything to you Sam?"

By the widening of Sam's eyes and the flaring of his nostrils, he could see that it did.

"I have something you should read," he continued and withdrew Meg's letter from his pocket and slid it across the desk to Sam.

He waited while Sam read the note. When Sam looked up at him he could almost read the questions in Sam's eyes. He explained Castiel's situation to Sam, how Cas had looked for Dean for a long time, told him how Little Dean wanted nothing more than to bring his father and his namesake together and that all they were looking to do was just get them in the same place at the same time together and let nature take its course. If it was meant to be, it would work out and if it wasn't, well at least they tried and they'd know. Knowing what Castiel meant to Dean, Sam knew he had to try but it would be difficult. Dean was going to be up at the resort for the next twelve weeks at least.

"Well, no problem-o Sam-O" Gabe said, "Little Dean and I will just head up there as paying guests and scope things out. Cassy has a business trip in two weeks so we can come up and then when he gets back, we'll just have little Dean leave him a voicemail with a little cough or sneeze and Paranoid-Papa will be up there before we can hang up the phone. Then he and big Dean can connect, magic can ensue and I'll earn my wings to heaven."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Um…one little problem with that plan. All the cabins are booked. The only way you're getting up there is if you're staying at the main house. And the only way you can stay at the main house is if you're dating my brother or me."

Gabriel's entire face lit up like a Christmas tree at that thought.

"Well it's a little sudden and all Sam, but yes, I'd love to be your boyfriend!"


	4. Chapter 4

_Two Weeks Later_

Castiel stared at his phone in frustration. Maybe there was an edge of anger mixed in there as well. After flying for six hours only to find his luggage missing and then on top of that, the hotel had misplaced his reservation, he'd finally settled in, ready to call Dean to wish him goodnight only to find a voicemail from Gabriel.

_“Hey Baby Bro….Dean-O and I are fine. Remember that camp I told you about, well I accidentally  mentioned it to Dean and he really wanted to go and you know I can't say no to him so we're on our way up there. A friend is driving us up there. Not sure what the place is called or whether or not my cell phone will work but there's a land line in the office so I'll give you that number once I get it. Say bye to Papa. Dean…._

_(muffled sounds ) Dean's voice: Bye Papa! Love you!_

_(muffled sounds) Gabe's voice: Okay Cassy. We'll call you soon. (Click)”_

Now Castiel distinctly remembered telling Gabriel that he wasn't comfortable with Dean being at a camp at such an early age, even if Gabriel was going to stay there the entire time with him. Gabriel had whined, pleaded and eventually had thrown a tantrum that would put any toddler to shame but Castiel had held his ground. Dean was not going to any camp that Castiel had never heard of, that Gabriel couldn't provide any concrete information on and absolutely Dean was not going to have his first camp experience without his father with him.

Castiel waited a few minutes to clam himself down and then listened to the voicemail again. Nope, it didn’t work. Yup, when he saw Gabriel he was going to kill him!

Halfway across the country, Gabriel was blissfully unaware of his impending doom. In as much as he was excited about being cooped up in a car with all that supersized deliciousness called Sam Winchester, it turned out to be a truly enjoyable drive. Gabriel flirted like crazy with Sam, each quip saucier and more outrageous than the previous and he was enjoying watching the very tall man squirm. By the time they pulled into the resort however, Sam, as smart as he was, had figured Gabe out and was taking all of the comments in good humour. He seemed to enjoy Gabriel's company and was actually able to get Gabe talking about his family, his business ventures and his hopes for the futures. When Sam switched off the car engine in the yard in front of the main house, he was beginning to feel like he and Gabriel were in fact old friends. Gabe lifted a sleeping Dean out of the car while Sam got the bags from the trunk.

Sam’s Dean was waiting on the porch.

"Hiya Sammy. Who are your friend and the munchkin?" Dean didn't say the words out loud but Sam could hear the underlying, "Dude, we're booked solid".

Sam looked down at the ground and turned all shades of pink.

"Umm…..Dean…..do you remember when I said I'd surprise you? ….Um….Meet Gabriel Speight and the sleeping cutie is his brother's son Diniel. He's like my ….um…..he's my umm…."

"Boyfriend. I'm his boyfriend." Still carrying the sleeping child, Gabriel walked up to Dean and held his hand out.

Dean eyed Gabriel skeptically like he couldn't believe his brother would date someone like Gabe. He shook his hand warily watching Gabe as if he expected the sorter man to go crazy should Dean made any sudden moves. Oh well, Gabe so did hate to disappoint.

"You want me to stick my tongue down his throat or something? Cause I'd be sooooooo up for that."

Both Dean and Sam gasped.

"Wha-what?" Dean asked.

"Well you're looking at me like your fine specimen of a brother wouldn't be caught dead with a bottom feeder like me. I'm just offering to prove it to you that we are involved."

Sam stepped forward frowning, "That's enough Gabe."

Looking at Dean he continued, "He's right though Dean. You're behaving badly. Gabe is with me. I'm with him. I'd like for us to get to know each other. If that's going to be a problem, just tell me now and we'll head back out of here."

"What? No!" Dean sprang forward to grab the bags. "Of course you're all welcome here. I'm sorry Gabriel if I came off weird, it's just I didn't know Sammy was seeing anyone and you're not his usual type."

"Taller?" Gabe asked.

"Female," came the response.

Sam rolled his eyes, about to launch into a lecture but Gabriel burst out laughing. "What can I say Dean-O, I'm all that plus a bag of jelly beans. Samsquatch took one look at me and didn't know what hit him"

"Ain't that the truth" Sam muttered but not meaning it quite the same way as Gabriel.

Dean didn't see it. He couldn't figure out what would connect these two in any meaningful way but if Sammy wanted this, then Dean would suck it up.

"Uh…about the sleeping arrangements…." He began.

"Oh Gabe and Diniel will share a room. It would be weird for the kid to be on his own" Sam supplied.

"Connecting doors would be acceptable" said Gabe wagging his eyebrows suggestively. Dean felt his stomach turn.

"Follow me, I'll show you where to get settled" he said heading into the house.

An hour later he still didn't see it. After they put the child down to sleep, Sam gave Gabriel the tour of the house. Afterward, Dean volunteered to watch the kid while Sam showed the grounds to Gabriel. Dean watched them interact through the kitchen window and though they seemed comfortable enough with each other, he still didn’t quite believe that they were romantically involved. They did not have the sense of physical familiarity that people in relationships had. There was no playful brushing of hands, no constant contact with each other's skins; no being in each other's space like you belonged there. Hell, he and Cas were more of a couple than these two were and they'd been seeing other people. His breath stopped. _Cas_. There he was in Dean's thoughts again. Dean told himself it was because he was thinking about settling down with Lisa that he kept remembering Cas. It was only natural to review the past as you contemplated the future right? Or something like that. Dean wasn't sure what was going on. He needed to put Cas out of his head though.

"Where's Unca Gabe?

Dean turned around and dropped the pan he was drying. Standing there in his kitchen was a miniature Cas. His heart started racing. This kid had Cas's face. This kid was looking at him with his head tilted to the side in exactly the same way Cas used to do when he didn't think Dean was making any sense. But it was the eyes. Cas's eyes were looking right at him. Dean held the edge of the counter for support.

"Where's Unca Gabe?" he asked again.

"Um…Sam took him on a tour of the place," replied Dean. "Do you want me to go get him for you?"

The kid looked around the kitchen.

"No thank you. I'll wait here. Can I watch TV in the living room? I know how to work the remote. I promise to be careful"

Dean's heart melted. The kid even sounded a little like Cas. He shook his head as if that would shake the thoughts of Cas out of his skull.

"No?" The kid's face fell and shoulders drooped.

Damn! Dean really needed to get a grip. "I'm sorry. I wasn't shaking my head at you. Of course you can watch TV while you wait. Would you like something to drink? A snack?"

"Nope. I'm fine but thank you very much." Little Dean was pulling out his best manners trying to impress his namesake. He was succeeding. Big Dean was wondering why everything about this child reminded him of Castiel Novak. This was Gabe's brother's kid right? And Gabe's last name was Speight. Besides, the math was off. Cas and Meg's child would be a few years older than this one if they had him shortly after graduation. It must be one of those doppelganger things perhaps.

Little Dean headed out the room and Dean bent to pick up the pan he'd dropped. He looked up and almost dropped it again. Peeking around the doorframe at him was the kid's head. The kid looked at him intensely for a moment (Cripes! Another flashback to Cas) and then asked,

"You're Dean right?"

"Yes, I am. I'm Dean and you're Daniel, right?

" _Diniel_. I was named after an angel. "

_Jesus, Mary and Joseph!_ ….Dean was pretty much sure the universe was out to crush him at that point.

"But" the kid continued, "My family calls me Dean".

"Hey, we have the same name" Dean said.

"Why do they call you Dean?" little Dean asked.

Dean smiled at the random question. Why does anybody have the name they have?

"Well, maybe my Mom and Dad really liked the name so they called me Dean," he replied. "Why do they call you Dean?"

Little Dean tilted his head even more. "Maybe my Mama and Papa really liked you so they called me Dean?"

And with that the little head disappeared behind the doorframe leaving Dean swearing. _Sonnuvabitch!_


	5. Chapter 5

Gabriel and Sam walked along the edge of the lake before coming upon an ideally situated bench. It was positioned for a perfect view of the lake, the visitor cabins and the main house. They sat for a while in silence watching the guests cavort in the water. Some were swimming, some were canoeing, some were just floating around on blow up toys and there was an anchored dock a little ways out in the lake that some were diving off of. It was a beautiful day and everyone seemed to be enjoying it.

Whilst they'd been walking, Sam and Gabe were continuing the "get-to-know-you" process. As outrageous as Gabe was, Sam was very surprised at how easy it was to talk with him. Gabe listened. He kidded around and made inappropriate comments but in between that, he really listened to what Sam had to say. Sam found that he liked it, especially since he got the impression that Gabriel did not pay attention to everyone. Gabriel made him feel special and after a lifetime of being the second child, the younger brother, the one who needed to be taken care of, it was nice to find someone who thought he was amazing.

Gabe slid his hand across the seat of the bench and took Sam's hand in his own. Sam raised an eyebrow at this but did not pull away.

"Just in case Dean is watching" he explained but they both knew that had nothing do with it.

"Really?" Sam wasn't gullible but he still let Gabe hold his hand.

"Thank you for telling me about Jessica, Sam." Gabe said suddenly. "I appreciate it that you're beginning to feel comfortable enough to share things with me."

Sam couldn't really explain why he did but he did feel comfortable.

"It's nice to be able to talk about her without someone thinking I'm going to freak out or get suicidal. I wish that I had been able to speak about her a lot more in the period just after her death. But everyone decided I needed to forget, to move on. Sometimes it felt like people were trying to pretend she never happened. I think that's what drove me over the edge even more than losing her did."

Shortly after Sam's girlfriend had died back in college, Sam had turned to substance addiction as a means of escaping. He'd had a bad time before he managed to turn his life back on track with Dean's help.

"You can talk to me anytime. After this …" Gabe gestured with his hand in an action that covered the entire resort, "is all over, whatever the outcome is, I'd like to continue to stay in contact with you on a regular basis."

"You want to date me for real?"

Gabriel laughed out loud. "I was thinking we could start off being friends but I guess yes, I would really and truly like to court your affections. As you can probably tell, I'm a bit of a sugar junkie and Honey they don't come sweeter than you."

Sam blushed. He'd never been in a relationship with a guy before and never thought he could be. Yet he was finding he really liked Gabriel. Was there attraction? If there was, it wasn't particularly lustful but he did enjoy his company. He did think Gabriel was good looking and he could easily see himself spending time with Gabriel on a long term basis. Maybe there was something there? Sam wasn't a homophobe. Why couldn't he have a boyfriend? The only person whose opinion mattered to him was Dean and Dean had spent almost half his life in love with a man. Why shouldn't he let himself be courted? Gabriel already understood him better than anyone he'd met in years. He made a sudden decision.

Sam gave Gabriel's hand a tight squeeze and when Gabriel turned his head to look up at him, Sam leaned in and kissed him right on the mouth. Gabriel was startled for a second and then with a grin, he started kissing Sam back _. This is good!_ Sam thought. And it was. Gabriel was an excellent kisser and Sam may not have been aware of any physical longings for Gabriel before the kiss, he certainly was enjoying it enough to want more. _Yes,_ he thought, _let's see where this leads. We'll take it slow but I want to know where this can go._

They pulled apart lingeringly, eyes opening slowly and looking right into each other's. Sam blushed and smiled at Gabe who was clearly delighted if the huge grin on his face was anything to go by.

"Lemme guess," Gabe said, "Dean was watching us?

"I have absolutely no clue."

.

.

Dean wasn't watching anyone other than little Dean. He hovered at the edge of the room, glancing at the little boy. Little Dean really was adorable and not just because he was named Dean (though that in itself was reason enough). Dean watched as he meticulously arranged all the remotes on the coffee table in order of their size. Then he fluffed up the cushions before sitting down. Little Dean tested three different volume levels before deciding what was optimum for where he was sitting and then, and only then, he settled in to watch the Disney channel. _Christ,_ Dean thought, _it's like living with Cas all over again_. It was a happy thought oddly enough.

The more Dean watched him, the more he wished he could have a child like him. It would be like having a child with Cas. He thought about the similarity of the names. _Castiel, Diniel_. Both angel names, one for Cas and one for Dean. If he ever had a son, he was going to name him Diniel because it was the perfect blend of Dean and Castiel.

He headed back into the kitchen and pulled out the prepared lasagne he had in the fridge and popped it in the preheated oven. He had the fixings for salad but since Sam was the only person who ever ate that crap, he could fix it himself when he came back. The garlic butter was already made and in the fridge. He'd toast the garlic bread just before they were ready for dinner. With nothing left to do for a while, he eyed the covered pastry container sitting on the counter before deciding _why the hell not_. Opening it, he pulled out three quarters of a pie and began to cut himself a slice.

"Is that pie? I love pie"

Dean smiled. Kid must be psychic.

"Oh yeah?" he asked. "How much?"

"How much do I love pie?"

"Yeah. If I'm going to give you a slice of my very best apple pie, I gotta know you truly are going to appreciate it."

"My Papa says I more than appreciate pie. He says I worship it."

Dean broke into a great big grin. This kid could be his own for all that he looked like Cas and belonged to the Speight family.

"You know, Little Dean, it takes a special breed of man to worship pie."

"Little Dean?" the kid was doing the Cas- head-tilt thing again.

"Well yeah, I'm Big Dean cuz I'm way bigger than you and you are Little Dean cuz you're way littler than me," Dean explained as he lifted the boy onto the counter and handed him a saucer with a slice of pie.

"So when I get big, does that mean I'll be Big Dean and you'll be Old Dean?

"Shut up and eat your pie kid."

When Sam and Gabe came back to the house, that's how they found them. Little Dean sitting on the counter next to Big Dean who was leaning back against the counter, both of them holding a small plate in one hand and a fork in the other engaging in what looked like a synchronized pie-eating routine. It was beautiful to see. Gabe's eyes teared up. When both Deans looked at him questioningly, Gabe simply said,

"I think it's time I let Dean's Papa know how to reach us."


	6. Chapter 6

As the hot water from his shower sluiced all over him, relaxing his tired muscles, Dean Winchester found that he was smiling. It had been two days since Sam had turned up with his so-called boyfriend and Little Dean, and while he couldn't say he really cared for the boyfriend, he was truly enjoying what time he spent with the child. He'd put Sam and Gabe to work, helping out with recreational activities. They were assisting the paying guests with things like stand up paddle surfing, canoeing, and general cabin repair. Mostly though, Gabe had found the mini commissary/general store Dean had set up, so cabin guests who needed basic supplies didn't have to drive too far to get them, and assumed responsibility for that.

Gabe was excellent candy salesman. First thing he did was bought himself a big supply of his own and then sat around in full view of the kids, visibly enjoying his treats. The kids at the resort took one look at him and began pestering their parents for some. If Gabe stayed the entire week, Dean may have to do a supply run himself to restock the candy shelves. Dean found some of Gabe's antics downright annoying but Sam seemed to smile more around Gabe, and Dean was certainly okay with a smiling Sam. Plus, the longer Gabe stayed, the more time he'd have with the munchkin.

Little Dean seemed to have taken to him like a baby duck to water. He followed him everywhere, asking a million and one questions, but in an endearing way and not an irritating way like some other people's kids did. The kid listened carefully and took instruction well. When Dean had to repair plumbing in one of the cabins, the kid helped him out, passing tools and parts. When Dean had to replace a couple light bulbs that provided outdoor lighting around the resort, the kid held on to the ladder as if he were the only thing preventing Dean from falling off it. When Dean was in the kitchen preparing meals, Little Dean was there helping out. Dean felt like a father. It felt good. Last night he'd read Little Dean a bedtime story and as he was leaving the room, Little Dean had said to him

"You'd make a great Dad Dean. I miss my Papa but being with you helps."

Well damn if Dean didn't feel his eyes tearing up.

As he finished his shower and got dressed for bed, he thought back to dinner this evening. He'd made a careless remark and it had upset Little Dean. Little Dean had been talking about his wonderful, amazing, good looking, suitably employed Papa again. He did that a lot. So much so, that Dean wondered if Little Dean was trying to hook him up at one point but of course he was just being silly and dismissed the thought. At dinner however, Dean came out and asked him,

"How come it's always Papa this or Papa that? I never hear about your Mama. Do you love her less or something?"

Little Dean's face fell and he excused himself from the table.

Dean looked at Gabriel, confused.

"Dean's Mama died shortly after he was born," Gabe explained. "Like Samster here, he's had to grow up without knowing his mom. He loves her; he just doesn't have any stories or first-hand knowledge of her. "

Dean felt like the biggest heel alive. He could relate to little Dean's situation and couldn't believe he'd been so insensitive. Actually he could believe it. Now he just had to fix it.

Gabriel got up to go after Little Dean, but Dean stopped him.

"Let me. Please." He asked. Gabriel nodded and Dean headed out after the boy.

He found him sitting on the steps of the house looking up at the sky. Dean sat next to him and pulled the little guy onto his lap.

"Hey, Gabe just told me about your Mom. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't mean to make you sad."

Little Dean burrowed into Dean's chest and Dean hugged him close.

"I know. I just wish I did have more to say about her. My Papa tells me about her but it's not the same as knowing her."

"I know what you mean," said Dean. "Me and Sam lost our mom when Sammy was just a baby and I was younger than you are now. I remember bits and pieces of her and I hated when I started to forget things. It made me so angry that I had so little to begin with and then I was losing memories on top of that. But then I think of how much worse it was for Sam. He never knew her at all; how she smiled, how she smelled like fresh cut flowers when you hugged her; the sound of her laugh. I've forgotten things he never had the chance to know."

Dean paused, the familiar ache in his chest prodding at him again. “You know what the worst part is though…Sammy has never had the chance to call someone Mom.”

"It's not fair!" Little Dean exclaimed.

"No. It's not." Dean agreed. "But it's endurable. You can survive anything when you have people who love you. And you do Dean; you have people who love you very much."

Little Dean had scrambled back on his lap and looked right at him with those beautiful big blue Castiel eyes under all that dark hair and asked him in a voice that sounded so much like Cas without the gravel undertones,

"Do you love me Dean? Do you?"

It had felt as if Cas was looking at him asking him those words. He answered honestly.

"I find that I do Munchkin. I've know you for less than 48 hours but I find that I absolutely do love you. In fact I think I loved you from the first minute I turned around in the kitchen and saw you standing there looking at me with those electric blue eyes."

Little Dean smiled. _Just like Mama promised_ he thought.

"I love you too Dean. You should marry my Papa and then I could be your little boy too."

Dean hadn't known what to say to that, so he hugged the little boy tighter and they sat there in silence as the darkness settled around them.

.

Dean did one last sweep through the house, checking all the doors and windows, as was his nightly routines. His thoughts were still on the child sleeping upstairs, when he noticed the red flashing light on the answering machine. He moved to check it but then though _Nah, it can wait till morning. It's not like I can do anything at this hour anyway._ So he continued through the ground floor check.

On his way upstairs though, he turned around and went back to the office. He knew wasn't going to sleep anytime soon so he might as well listen to the voicemail, if nothing else. He settled into his very comfy chair before pressing the play button. The automated voice told him he had one message.

"Dean?"

_Holy Mother of God! He'd know that voice anywhere. Castiel!_

"Dean? They told me I could leave a message for you here... that you'd get it. Dammit Dean, how could you leave me like that?"

Dean jumped out of his chair. _What? This wasn't happening. Was it? He had to be dreaming._

"Dean, I've been missing you so much. I hate not being able to reach you, not being able to tell you I love you."

Dean's heart was thumping so loudly he felt it would burst right out of his chest.

"I miss your voice, I miss your hugs. I miss you baby."

Dean put one of his hands on the desk for support. He felt boneless and weak. How many times did he dream that Cas would say those things to him? How many nights had he imagined those words in that voice? And here was Cas saying them…on a recording. He had recorded evidence that he wasn't hallucinating.

"I refuse to be without you for any longer Dean. I love you so very much. My heart actually hurts when we're apart."

Dean put a hand over his heart. His heart hurt without Cas as well.

Cas's voice paused before continuing, "Oh and tell your Uncle Gabe that he is in so much trouble that he'll be lucky if he ever gets to see you again before you graduate college. Bye Dean."

_Wait!... What?... What?!_ Dean's heart stopped. He must have misheard or misunderstood. He replayed the message. He replayed it again.

Little Dean was Castiel's son? Gabriel Speight was the brother of Castiel Novak? Cas had named his son after Dean? Meg had died? What the hell was going on here?


	7. Chapter 7

Dean woke up feeling groggy after not being able to sleep properly all night. His mind kept replaying the voicemail from the night before over and over in his head. He certainly had questions and the only person available to provide any answers was Gabriel Speight-slash-Novak. After he dressed and went downstairs, Dean found him in the kitchen.

"Mornin' Dean," Gabe sounded like he was almost singing. "You just missed Sam. He headed down to the staff cabin to chat with them about cleaning out the canoes properly."

"Uh, hey Gabriel," Dean began, "Cool about the Sam thing. Can I chat with you for a minute?"

"Ooooooh is this where I get the big brother lecture about if I hurt him you'll kill me?"

"Um…no….but if you do… I will."

Dean wasn't quite sure where to begin so he just decided to come clean.

"There was a voicemail for Little Dean in the office last night. His dad just talked about how much he missed him, how much he loved him and how much trouble you're in. I take it you didn't really have permission to bring his kid here?"

Gabriel laughed. He knew where Dean was going with this. Castiel had one of the most distinctive voices out there. There was no way Dean did not recognize it.

"Yeah that sounds like Cassy. My baby bro has a titanium rod up his ass about everything. He gave me responsibility of Dean for two weeks. He had to be away for a business trip. Are you worried for me Dean? That's so sweet of you. I was beginning to think you didn't like me. After the way you glared at me outside Sam's office the other day, I knew it would be a slow road with you but here you are all concerned and shit. I think I might cry."

"I think I might barf," Dean muttered. "Wait! That was you wasn't it, a couple weeks ago. You were Sam's eleven am appointment. Shit you guys really are dating"

Gabriel arched one eyebrow so high it almost climbed off his face. "Are you accusing your brother of being a liar? Because I could take really take offence at that."

"What? No. You guys just really confuse me. You don't act like a couple madly love or even at least in the can't-get-enough-of-you all grabby hands stage."

"Dean," Gabriel sighed, "Sam and I are new to each other and we're taking it really slow because this is too important to us to confuse emotion with sex. We're looking to see what we can build here and if nothing comes of it, at the very least we want to keep a rock solid friendship. Ever been in a situation where the lines of friendship and lover were so blurred you needed to step back to see what was there? We really don't want to mess this up"

Dean thought about that. Yes he had. Stepping away from Cas had only reinforced for him that the love he felt was more than platonic.

"Let's talk about your brother," he directed at Gabe, "Cassy, you called him?"

"Why? Want me to hook you up?" Gabriel joked. "My brother, Castiel Novak is a widower and a wonderful human being. Probably the best I know. He loves his Dean more than anything else n the world"

Why did Gabriel have to phrase it just that way? Dean almost groaned.

"Castiel Novak is your brother? My roommate in college was a Castiel Novak."

Dean told Gabe the name of the school and the years he attended there.

"Wow. Small world. That sounds about right. I had a falling out of sorts with the family just before then so I wasn't in contact with him during that time or I might have put two and two together. I didn't reconnect with Cassy until just before he Dean was born. I still don't have any contact with the rest of the Novaks. Hell that's why I changed my name - to get away from all of them."

_Well that explains a lot_ , thought Dean, so _much for getting answers_. Dean felt tired. He picked up his coffee and turned to leave. He'd promised to take little Dean out on the lake for some fishing this morning so he'd better get things going if he wanted the free time to do that. He nodded to Gabe and started to leave when Gabe asked,

"Hey Dean, were you and Cassy close friends?"

"Kinda, once upon a time," he responded. "Why do you ask?"

"Think he named his son after you? You would have to have meant a great deal to him if he did."

An agonized look flittered over Dean's face before he replied, "Dunno."

Gabriel watched him walk away, congratulating himself on the good job he'd done deflecting. Dean had bought his version hook, line and _Winchester_.

.

.

When Castiel Novak pulled into the resort, he was completely surprised. He parked next to the main house, got out of the car and stood there looking around. From the manner in which Gabriel had spoken, he was expecting a "tents and outhouses" type set up. Instead, this was really a resort. It was more of a lodge layout. In fact it was _his_ lodge layout.

When he was in college pursuing his business degree, Castiel would plan a wilderness resort as a means of getting rid of stress. It had started as a game with his best friend Dean. Cas had been really stressed out one night and Dean had pulled him away from his desk to go lie on a blanket on the roof. Lying next to each other, looking up at the stars, Dean had asked Cas to describe his perfect escape. Castiel couldn't think of anything  initially but eventually he came up with a lodge, hidden away in the mountains, next to a lake as far away from the city or his family as he could get. Together he and Dean had jokingly planned out this retreat and over the next year, it had become a thing with them. Sometimes they'd go back to the roof, sometimes they'd just lie in bed together or sometimes they'd randomly text each other with ideas for this mythical magical place. No one else had ever known about it. Not even Meg. It was something just for him and Dean. And yet here it was….the main house….the cabins spread out across the compound far enough away from each other that there was the sense of privacy, the sense of solitude,….the walking paths leading from the cabins down to and around the lake….the little beach area to walk into the lake… the docks with the boats tied to them … and the floating dock out in the water that you had to swim out to get to - that had been the cherry on the top for Cas. If he had nothing else, he'd wanted that. Someone had built _HIS_ lodge.

He shook himself out of his reminiscing and was about to go up to the main house when he saw his son. He was being carried by an unknown man who was walking towards the lake area where the boats were. From the rods and pail in the man's hand that wasn't holding Dean, Castiel figured they were heading out on a fishing trip. He started to walk quickly after them. Where the hell was Gabriel? Why wasn't he with Cas's son? Castiel's steps became a light jog. He could see his son's face in side profile but only see the back view of the man. His son was laughing at something the guy was saying. Not wanting them to push off on the lake before he could reach them, Castiel shouted.

"DEAN!"

Two heads turned in unison to look at him and Castiel's steps faltered and he stumbled to a stop. Blue eyes locked with green and time slowed to a crawl. Dean Winchester.

In slow motion, or so it seemed, Castiel, his eyes still locked onto Dean's, saw his son shimmy down the torso of the man and race across to greet him. The pail fell slowly from the Dean's hand to the ground, spilling its crawly contents onto the ground. Dean Winchester.

Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester. Dean Winchester. His heart beat out the name that he'd forced himself to stop saying years ago… _Dean Fucking Winchester._

And then his son was in his arms, hugging his neck so tightly and talking a mile a minute about his time here. Castiel's feet found their function again and led him straight to the still immobile Dean Winchester. He stopped directly in front of the man, eyes still zeroed in tight on Dean's, tilted his head in his signature Cas gesture and with his sex-on-gravel voice said,

"Hello Dean."


	8. Chapter 8

From his seat on the bench at the lookout point, Dean could see Castiel leave the main house and walked down to the lake. Dean had been sitting there in the dim evening light, thinking about the very man. He groaned to think of how awkward their reunion had been. He couldn't believe how much like a girl he'd behaved. He'd thought of that moment for so many years, had created and rehearsed so many scenarios in his head, that he believed that if he were ever to find Castiel standing in front of him unexpectedly, he'd have just the right thing to say, he'd know exactly what to do, how to behave. Yeah right. That so did not happen.

He had been taking Little Dean down to the boats like he'd promised when he'd heard that voice… Cas's voice…shout his name like he'd done a million times before when they were on campus together. His head turned automatically and there was Cas. He looked older, more a man than the boy Dean remembered. He was however, still the most beautiful thing Dean had ever laid eyes on. Dean's heart had soared. _Cas. It was Cas._ Then the boy scrambling to climb down him reminded Dean that it wasn't _his_ name that Cas was calling. Nope, Cas was calling to the son he had with Meg, whom Dean just happened to be holding and who had the same name as he did. Seriously, who the fuck could ever come up with a scenario like that? There was no way he could have ever prepared himself for that friggin' possibility. _It shouldn't have even been a possibility_. So there were three options for reaction - Flight, Fight or Freeze. His body chose the third one, which inevitably turned out to be the most embarrassing one.

Dean cringed as he remembered Cas saying his name and all Dean could reply with was Cas's name.

“Cas,” he’d said and then they both just stood there awkwardly,looking at each other. Then Cas moved and Dean, thinking he was going to hug him like they did in the past, opened his arms to return the hug, only to be presented with an extended hand to shake. Flushed red, Dean quickly dropped his arms and moved to extend his own hand for shaking only to find that an equally red faced Cas had realized Dean was probably going to hug him and had withdrawn his extended hand and opened his arms instead. _Stupid! Totally stupid!_ Dean berated himself.

The rest of the day hadn't gone any better. He supposed Cas had really missed his kid and wanted time with him, Dean got that, he did; but the insistence that Little Dean stay next to Cas's side all day made Dean feel like either Cas thought Dean couldn't be trusted with the child or Cas was using the child as a shield because he didn't really have anything to say to Dean. Neither of those scenarios was a pain free one.

Of course, that wasn’t the end of it. Gabriel who was either oblivious to the awkwardness between the men or just didn't give a damn about it, kept making suggestive remarks about their time together in school.

"So…..you guys lived together for a while huh?" Gabriel had asked at dinner.

"We were roommates," Dean had quickly replied.

"And friends," Castiel added looking at Dean with the head tilt thing as if he were wondering if Dean had forgotten about that. "We were also friends"

Dean hadn't forgotten. Friends just seemed like a weak word to describe the other half of you. Just because you didn't have sex with them, it doesn't mean they weren't so much more than friends. Dean speared Castiel with a look, telling him without words, _Fuck Friendship! We were soul mates!_ Castiel coloured and looked away, almost as if he'd heard the words loud and clear and was afraid that everyone else at the table had too.

"But Meg told me that you guys, and by you guys she meant Cas and his college roommate – she didn't name names - slept together all the time." Gabriel just wouldn't shut up.

"We shared a bed when friends and occasionally Meg would stay over but not what you may be implying Gabriel." Castiel's voice had sounded strained and Gabriel had adopted a faux innocent look as if he wasn't implying anything.

"What's Unca Gabe implying Papa?" Little Dean asked.

"Wait, your girlfriend stayed over and instead of sharing a bed with her, you slept with Dean?" Gabriel was incredulous.

That was enough for Dean.

Standing up, he told Sam to rein in his boyfriend, told Gabe he had clean up duties, asked Cas and Little Dean to excuse him and then headed out to clear his head. Which is how he found himself on that bench, head in his hands, wondering when the hell his carefully ordered life that took him a decade to create became such a Women's Network movie? He was so engrossed in his self-pity that he didn't hear Castiel's approach until Cas sat down next to him on the bench.

"Dean."

"Hey Cas." Dean felt awkward but there were things that needed to be said and he was man enough to at least say the easy bits. "I'm sorry you lost Meg. I didn't know."

"How could you?” Castiel was smiling as he said it but the words held a bitter taint. “You'd cut me out of your life so completely that I couldn't find you no matter how hard I searched for you. If I didn't have pictures of us together, I would have believed you were my imaginary friend. Maybe I did imagine the friendship"

Yup - He'd forgotten that Cas could be an unforgiving bastard with knack for going straight for the kill.

"I'm sorry…" Dean began.

"I needed you Dean. I needed you when I got out of school, I needed you every day you weren't there and man did I need you when my wife died. The worst part of it was I never knew what broke between us so I could never fix it."

Dean felt like crying.

"Oh Cas. You couldn't fix it. _I_ broke and there was nothing you could have done differently. It was all on me you see. It was my burden to bear. That's why I left. Because I had to find a way to set myself to right before it was too late."

Cas's voice was quiet. "If it was your burden to bear, then why did it crush me too? You try to take the weight of the world on your shoulders Dean; Sam, your Dad, me. You can't fix everything and everyone on your own, though you do try my friend."

Dean's throat felt tight and choked. Cas always did get right to the core of him when no one else could. He struggled to find words but he couldn't get anything out. He took a few slow breaths.

Cas sighed, looking around at the resort, nestled in the evening cover of darkness.

"You built my lodge," he stated. "I can't believe that you remembered. You must not have forgotten me completely Dean. You built my lodge."

"You named your son after me," Dean returned.

"Yes." Castiel said. "It was Meg's wish to do so but I did name my son after you."

There was silence after that.

"You never married?"

Dean smiled, "Couldn't find anyone willing to put up with me my friend. You? Meg has been gone for a while. How come you never remarried?"

Castiel swung his head to side pinning Dean with his bright blue eyes. He looked at Dean for a moment, patted him on the leg and said, "Couldn't find you."

Then he got up and left Dean there in the darkness. _Sonnuvabitch!_

.

.

Later that night, Castiel lay in bed with his son. Sam had offered to let Gabriel bunk in with him which Gabriel happily accepted, even after being told that there would absolutely be no hanky-panky going on. Gabriel was just delighted to have the chance to wake up next to Sam.

As Little Dean lay in his arms, Castiel ran his fingers lovingly through his son's hair to relax him to sleep like he did when he was a toddler.

"Papa?" Dean whispered.

"Yes son?"

"I really like Dean. Can we stay with him? Forever? We could be a real family" Dean’s voice was pleading.

Castiel felt ….well he wasn't sure how he felt. Finding Dean again was like coming home. He knew he didn't want to lose him again but Dean was very complex. Cas wasn't sure he had the key to get inside. He thought he did at one point but Dean left him. Cas had been waiting for him to get tired of the flirting and the girls and to finally come home to Cas where he belonged but then Dean _just left him_. Dean broke his heart, left him without his best friend and had the audacity to leave him with the memory of a kiss that haunted him for years. Yes, he wanted to stay with Dean forever too but Dean didn't do things the simple way and Castiel wasn't sure he could survive another blow from Dean. He sure as hell didn't want his son to be hurt by Dean. He sighed.

"We're already a real family son."

"No." Little Dean was putting his foot down. "I want two parents. Mama would want us to have him."

Castiel didn't respond to that. What could he have said? After a few moments of quiet, Little Dean tried again.

"He has nightmares. I heard him the first night and went to his room. He was tossing and turning and he sounded so scared Papa. I heard him call for you. I didn't think it was you but now I know he was calling for you."

There was still no response from Castiel.

"I'm going to sleep now Papa. Please check on him and make sure he's ok. I'll be ok if you need to stay with him for a bit. Unca Gabe used to take up the whole bed so the extra space will help me fall asleep."

Castiel smiled at his son. He was so much like Dean in so many ways; God, how he loved his boy…God how he loved them both. Kissing Little Dean on the forehead, he said,

"Ok. I'll go check him. Come find me if you need me. I love you Dean."

"I love you more Papa"

Castiel stood outside Dean's door and could hear the restless movement of the other man in his bed. Slowly he turned the handle, opened the door and went in. Closing it behind him, he walked over to Dean's bed and stood there for a second, watching the man. Then he lifted the covers and climbed into bed with Dean. Dean automatically turned towards Cas, even in his sleep or perhaps because of it. Instinctively Dean wrapped his arm around Castiel and pulled him back, into a spooning position against his chest. Castiel held Dean's arm tight against his own chest and wiggled back into Dean. Dean slid a leg in between Castiel's and pressing his lips against the nape of the smaller man's neck, settled into restful sleep.

_Home_ Castiel thought just before he too succumbed to sweet peaceful slumber.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam came awake slowly, awareness breaking over him before he opened his eyes. He recognized that he wasn't alone in the bed and smiled, his eyelids sliding up as his lips stretched across his face. Gabriel was lying there on the bed next to him, facing him. He looked surprisingly chipper for someone up before the sun.

"Hiya Moose. You're stunning in the morning."

Sam's smile broke into a grin and Gabriel was grinning right back. They lay there together, looking at each other, beaming like idiots. Gabriel reached across and linked his fingers with Sam's.

"Dawn hasn't quite broken yet and as much as I usually hate waking up in the morning, I find that with the right incentive, I can quite enjoy it. Wanna go for a walk and watch my first sunrise with me?"

Sam felt a flutter in his stomach. "Yes. Let's take a blanket and a thermos of coffee. I know the perfect spot. We'll have to be quiet so we don't disturb the others."

Still watching each other and smiling like children, they slid silently out of bed.

.

Across the hall, Dean was enjoying his best sleep in a long time. He was having this crazy wonderful dream where he was back in his dorm room and he and Cas were in bed together and he was holding Cas in his arms. It felt so good, so real. He was happy. Eyes closed, he pressed his mouth to Dream Cas's bare shoulder and tasted his skin. Sliding his hand along Dream Cas's torso, he gripped Dream Cas's hips and pulled it back to meet his own, pressing his morning arousal into Dream Cas. Dream Cas rolled over to face him, and their bodies met chest to chest, thighs to thighs, hands touching each other all over. Suddenly Dean was kissing Dream Cas, his fingers pushing through his hair as Dean gripped his head to anchor it in place as he devoured his mouth. _Yes! This was bliss!_ Dream Cas rolled again, pushing Dean onto his back and climbing on top of him, all the while never breaking the kiss. He rubbed himself against Dean and almost exploded with pleasure just then.

"Cas," he whispered into Dream Cas's mouth, "Oh God Cas, you feel so good. I want you so bloody much."

"I've always wanted you Dean; even when we were at college."

Full consciousness hit Dean like a sledgehammer. He pushed the not-at-all-a-dream-Cas off of him and scrambled backward off the bed.

"Dean?"

_No, no, no, no. This wasn't happening. He did not just molest the most important person to him apart from Sam. Cripes!_

Dean paced about next to the bed, dragging his hand through his hair. He still hadn't looked at Castiel. He couldn't because that would make it real. And real would make it worse.

"Dean?" Castiel sounded hurt and confused. Dean stopped pacing and stood with his back to the bed; with his back to Castiel.

Cas watched the broad planes of Dean's back and sighed sadly. Dean's behavior did not surprise him. He'd known Dean well enough to predict his behavior back in the day. Apparently he still could. He knew Dean wouldn't want to talk about this morning and would probably avoid or ignore him until he could lock this up tight in a box in his head and pack it away like it never happened. After moments of such intense happiness in Dean's arms, Castiel found that he was just a little numb to the sadness he thought he should be feeling. Maybe he was just desensitized after all these years of lusting after a Dean who didn't seem to know what he wanted.

"I'm sorry Dean." Castiel said softly, each word like a dart to Dean's skin, making him flinch. "I'm so sorry. I crossed a line I should have known better than to. Forgive me. I'll…I'll head home today. If my son wishes to, he can stay a bit longer with his uncle. Forgive me Dean."

With that, Castiel carefully got out of bed and with one last look at Dean, he turned to leave. He reached for the doorknob only to have a hand grab his arm and spin him around roughly, pushing him so his back was against the door, Dean's body pinning him to it.

Dean stared him straight in the eyes. He just looked at Castiel as if he could see his soul. Castiel held his gaze unwaveringly. Then slowly, without saying a word, Dean lowered his head and gently sealed his lips to Castiel's. Dean kissed him tenderly and with such love that Cas didn't even notice the tears trickling out the side of his eyes. He kissed Dean back with every ounce of passion and love that he had inside him. If Dean didn't do words, screw words; Cas would show him what he wanted to say.

When they broke the kiss, Dean pressed his forehead to Cas's and rubbed his nose against Cas a little. Cas suddenly had a flashback to their last day in the dorm room together and the fear crept in. Was Dean saying goodbye to him again? He reached up to kiss Dean again but Dean lifted his face and kissed Cas's eyelids instead.

Dean took a deep breath and breathed it out slowly.

_NO_ Castiel thought. _Don't leave me again like this. Please Dean, love me back. Stay with me this time. Let me stay with you._

Cupping Cas's face with one hand, he kissed him deeply, tasting the tears that were flowing freely now. He slid the other hand down from Cas's arm and into Cas's hand, gripping Cas's fingers in his own. When he broke the kiss, he stared down at the floor a bit before saying,

"Come back to bed Cas."

.

Much later, Castiel lay in Dean's arms, happy, sated and feeling thoroughly loved. Dean may not have the words to give to Cas but words had never been important between them. Castiel knew from how Dean touched him, kissed him, loved him that Dean was showing him what he couldn't put into words.

"God I've missed you Cas. Nothing feels right unless you're with me."

Cas's heart found itself in his throat for a second. He was that startled by the admission.

"For me too Dean. We've always felt right together. I don't want to lose you again."

"You won't" Dean promised "You and Little Dean are too important to me. I'm sorry I left like that. It was a douche move but I'll make it up to you."

Dean squeezed Castiel to him tighter. "Let's spend the rest of the week together here. If you can get any more time off, call it in and me, you and Little Dean can just spend the time here together."

"Little Dean? Little Dean will love that." Castiel smiled.

Dean raised an eyebrow at Cas.

"I'll love it too." Cas laughed reaching up to kiss Dean.

Happier than he'd felt in years, Dean rolled bringing Cas under him, returning Cas's kiss passionately.

It took them a couple minutes to realize that someone was knocking discreetly at the door.

"Dean?" Sam's voice sounded worried and uncertain in addition to being muffled.

Rolling his eyes, Dean growled, "This had better be good Sammy. Someone had better be bleeding."

"Umm….Dean can you get dressed and come down stairs for a bit?"

Now Dean was getting annoyed.

"Uh No! Whatever it is can wait. Or you can take care of it."

"Dean, you really need to get dressed and come downstairs. I would ask if it wasn't important."

All Dean wanted was to spend a little more time in bed with Cas. Why on earth wouldn't Sam just leave him alone. He better than anyone else would understand what it meant to him to have this with Cas. Angrily he asked,

"Dammit Sam! What the hell could be so important that I need to get out of bed and come down right now?"

There was a pause before Sam's soft reply came through the door.

"Lisa's here."


	10. Chapter 10

Lisa Braeden was a lovely woman. She was pretty. She was charming. She seemed kind at heart. She'd brought home baked chocolate chip cookies with her which were so melt-in-your-mouth-good, you knew she was probably a fantastic cook. She loved children and if the way she looked at Dean Winchester was anything to go by, she was really and truly smitten with him. In short she was everything Dean could ever want in a wife. Little Dean hated her on sight.

When he woke up that morning, Little Dean was feeling very happy and very pleased with himself. He'd woken up sometime past midnight and realized that his father was not in the room with him. That meant he was still with Big Dean. Little Dean had climbed out of bed and gone to Big Dean's room. After listening outside to make sure they were asleep, he'd crept into the room and found them sleeping in each other's arms like his Mama had described in her letter. Assured that his plan was working and his Mama would be pleased with him, he trudged back to his own bed, content in the belief that pretty soon he'd have two parents and his family would be complete just like his Mama asked him to do.

But then _she_ turned up.

She was there at breakfast. Why? How did she get there so early? Was she a vampire who didn't need to sleep at night? Did Big Dean consider this about her? Shouldn't he be afraid for his life? Little Dean would have to watch her very closely. He'd also have to make sure she didn't get any fancy ideas about Dean being a dad to her son. Dean was going to be his dad and nobody else's.

Breakfast was a very stilted affair. Everybody, except for Lisa seemed uncomfortable but that just made her try harder to make everybody smile. After telling Lisa she could stay in his room since it was only a three bedroom house and Gabe and Sam were in one room and Little Dean and his dad were in the other, Dean disappeared muttering something about cabin repairs. As he walked out though, Lisa caught his hand and pulled him back for a quick kiss on the mouth. Little Dean wanted to scream at her. Those were his Papa's kisses she was stealing. His Papa just looked away, like Sam did, but thank goodness for his Unca Gabe.

"Whoa there you shameless hussy," he said with a smile as if his words were a joke, "there are kiddies present."

Lisa laughed as she broke the kiss. "You funny man Gabriel, I can see why Sam enjoys your company."

"Yeah, well I think I know why Dean-O there enjoys yours."

Castiel excused himself at that point and went upstairs. Sam and Gabriel followed suit leaving Little Dean sitting at the table as Lisa started tidying up the kitchen as if she'd lived there all her life.

Little Dean considered his options.

"You're very pretty," he said to Lisa.

She laughed lightheartedly. "Thank you Dean. I find it's so cute that you and Dean have the same name. My son Ben who is just about a year or two older than you, once wanted to be called Bean because it's a cross between Ben and Dean. But you've got the full name. So adorable."

Little Dean felt like throwing up. Adorable? Cute? _Bean?_ Oh no no no. Her son wasn't getting his hands on Little Dean's future dad. Not if he had anything to do with it.

"So you really like Dean huh?"

She smiled at him. "Yes I do. I really do. And luckily for me and Ben, he likes me back. He likes us back. I was beginning to worry but when he invited me up here, I just knew he was telling me it was time to move to the next level."

Next level? There was a next level? Was this a game to her? Little Dean was feeling a little panicked. What did that mean - the next level? Sometimes it sucked to be seven and not know as much as grownups. Whatever it was it sounded like he wouldn't like it. He had to do something fast.

"You know Lisa," he began, "I think you're awesome. In fact I think you could do a lot better than Dean. You shouldn't settle. I sleep in the room next to him. He snores. A lot. You'd never be able to get enough sleep."

Lisa laughed. Little Dean was just too endearing. How sweet of him to be so concerned for her.

"It's okay honey, I know all about that. We've had sleepovers before. I'm a deep sleeper so that doesn't bother me"

Sleepovers? Little Dean was shocked. They'd had sleepovers? _The Hussy!_ He didn't exactly know what that meant but Unca Gabe used the word earlier and it seemed appropriate here.

"I just don't think he's right for you Lisa. Now my Papa is a different story but…" _Oops!_ Little Dean had almost given away his plan to get his Papa and Dean together. He clamped his small hand over his mouth with a guilty look.

Lisa laughed. _How sweet_ , she thought, _he's trying to set me up with his dad_. His dad was a definite hottie but Dean was more to her taste and she'd invested all that time into getting a commitment out of Dean. She certainly wasn't jumping ship now when it was just about to dock.

She ruffled the little boy's hair. "Why don't you go wash up and find your Dad. I'm sure he'll want to do things with you outside."

Little Dean didn't want to leave without trying again to stop her being sweet on Dean but he was smart enough to know that he couldn't press too hard. Maybe he should go work on his dad a little instead. He gave her his sweetest fake smile and headed upstairs to find his father.

.

.

Outside, Dean was cursing up a blue streak. If timing was everything in life then the Fates were a bunch of prune-faced bitches. After all these years of life without Cas, when he'd finally made the decision to move one and settle down, they'd not only thrown Cas back into his life but right into his arms. Fuck! If only he could undo things. Things like telling Lisa a few weeks ago that he was ready to put down roots and start and family and he was hoping she and Ben would be willing to take him on. Dammit, he'd even gone out and bought a ring just in case her visit up here went really well and he'd decided that he could in fact make that commitment to her and Ben.

But now Cas was here and Cas was everything, the only thing, he'd ever wanted for himself in life. Plus there was little Dean whom he already thought of as his. Goodness knows the kid had more of his personality traits than he did Cas's. After this morning, did he really think he could live without Cas? Now that he knew that Cas loved him the way Dean had always dreamt of; that he had since their college days, could Dean really walk away from the life he'd always wanted but never thought he could have?

Yes, he did discuss a future with Lisa. Yes, it was promise of sorts initiated by him and he always kept his promises but Cas wanted him too. Cas! He could talk to Lisa. He could explain things to her. She'd been so good to him that he hated to hurt her and he knew she would be hurt but he had to take this chance at happiness. The brass ring was within his grasp. He had to reach for it right? And no matter how long he lived, who he married, what his life became, Castiel would always be the one true love for him. Cas would always be the missing piece of his soul. He had to talk to Lisa right away.

In an uncharacteristic acknowledgement of his feelings and resolution to address it, Dean stopped what he was doing and headed back to the house. He found Lisa in his room, sitting on the edge of the bed, hands clasped in her lap, head bowed and tears streaming down her eyes. Protective instincts kicking in, Dean rushed to her side and knelt next to her. He covered her clasped hands with one on his own, his other hand reaching behind her to rub her back gently.

"Lise? Are you okay?" He asked softly.

She nodded and slid one of her hands out from under his to reveal a small box.

"I was clearing out one of the drawers for my things when I found this," she said.

She opened the box to reveal the simple but stunning solitaire that Dean had selected. She met his eyes with her tear filled own, and Dean could see the love shining there for him – a love he neither deserved nor returned.

Just then Castiel and Little Dean walked by the open door to see Dean on his knees in front of a sitting Lisa who had tears streaming from her eyes and the widest grin on her face, a ring box between them.

"Yes!" Lisa cried out. "Yes Dean, I will marry you and be your wife. God I love you so much!"

She threw her arms around his neck tight, sobbing with happiness into his shoulder.

In the doorway, identical blue eyes reflected identical heartbreak.


	11. Chapter 11

_"Yes!" Lisa cried out. "Yes Dean, I will marry and be your wife. God I love you so much!"_

"NO!" screamed Little Dean.

He bolted upright in bed and found his father's arms around him. Castiel hugged his son tightly and soothed him. It had been two days since the scene up at the resort and Little Dean was  still so upset he was having nightmares.

Castiel was pretty upset too. When he and his son had watched Lisa agree to be Dean's wife, he'd felt a piece of him die. How could Dean go from sharing what they had to proposing to Lisa in a matter of hours? Castiel hadn't even known Lisa existed until she turned up announcing herself as Dean's girlfriend. _Dean had a girlfriend and still slept with him?_

Castiel had held on to his son's shoulders, whether to hold Little Dean back, preventing him from running into the room or to use his son as a barrier to stop from running into the room himself… he wasn't sure. Dean had looked up and their eyes had met. Without words, he could see Dean asking him to understand and forgive him. Castiel didn't know that he could manage either. His son had been crying by then. How do you forgive someone for hurting your child? Castiel had reached in and grabbed the doorknob, shutting the door to Dean's room to afford the couple some privacy.

His son turned around and Cas lifted him into his arms.

"I want to go home Papa." He cried. "Please Papa, take me home."

So Castiel did. They packed up quickly, Gabe opting to travel back with them. Dean and Lisa still hadn't come out of the room and when Sam had tried to get him out to say goodbye, Dean had brushed him off, choosing to stay behind closed doors with Lisa.

Once they got home, Cas thought Dean might contact him but there'd been no word from him yet. _Yet._ Castiel was surprised that some part of him still hoped enough to include the word _yet_ in that thought.

As Little Dean settled back into sleep, Castiel slipped out of his room and went down to the kitchen to make some tea. Gabriel was sitting there eating gummy bears. He had them all lined up and sorted by colour on the island in front of him. He was methodically popping one at a time in his mouth with one hand and drumming his fingers over an opened envelope with his other.

Castiel flicked the kettle on and turned to Gabe.

"I don't get his reaction Gabriel. I understand that my son became attached to Dean but this seems like so much more than that."

"I don't understand why you left,” Gabe responded. Why didn't you stay and fight for your man?"

"He isn't… wasn't… my man Gabriel. We'd just found each other but he obviously had moved on and was setting up a future with Lisa. What kind of friend would I be if I turned up out of the blue and destroyed that?"

"Umm…the kind who loves him and wants to make him happy for the rest of your lives?" Gabriel popped another gummy bear in his mouth and watched Castiel closely.

"You know Cassy, I spoke with Sam while we were there. Dean Winchester has been hung up on you since the day he met you. He was a wreck for years when he left school and when he'd heard about your marriage to Meg, he apparently went on the mother of all benders. He's always loved you Cassy."

"Then why the hell did he leave me?" Castiel slammed his fist down on the counter. "If he loved me, why didn't he tell me?"

Gabriel got up off the kitchen stool and walked around the counter to Castiel, his hand that was on the envelope, dragging it along with him. He slid the envelope towards Castiel, who looked at it in confusion.

"I haven't been totally honest with you. My intentions were good. Remember that."

Castiel looked up at his brother who hugged him suddenly.

"Read," Gabriel instructed. "We'll talk after."

He left Castiel in the kitchen with Meg's letter.

When Gabriel returned to the kitchen, Castiel was sitting at the island, sipping his cup of tea with the pages of Meg's letter spread out before him.

"Is this what the camping trip has been about? Reconnecting me with Dean?" he asked Gabriel without looking up.

"Yes."

"How did you find him when I'd looked for so long and came up empty?" Cas had to know.

"It was surprisingly easy." Gabe said. "I guess timing is everything. When you were looking, Sam hadn't started law school yet and the family was moving around. I just searched for lawyers named Sam Winchester and there was only one to be found."

Castiel sighed and put his cup down, pushing it away from him.

"Damn you Gabriel. You set my son up for heartbreak. I understand now the severity of his reaction. He feels as if he's disappointed his mother. He's failed in the one thing she's asked of him. How could you do this? How could you think this would end well?"

Gabriel moved so that he was directly opposite Castiel, the kitchen counter between them.

"Listen up Baby Bro. You know that Meg and I weren't close. She didn't appreciate my sense of humour and I found her to be a sarcastic bitch. But the one thing we had in common is that we both want your happiness. If I trust nothing else about her, I trust that. She asked for help and I helped. What happens next isn't on me, or on her or even on my nephew. Nope it's all on you."

Gabriel stretched out his hand to dip his finger into Castiel's cup. Yup all the sugary goodness was still at the bottom. Coating his finger in the wet sugar, he stuck the finger in his mouth and sucked on it. Castiel remained silent and you could hear the loud pop as Gabriel pulled his finger out past his lips.

"You need to finish Meg's request Castiel," Gabe continued. "You're the only one who can. We've done our bit and brought you two together. The only people who can make you move forward together are you and Dean. So how about you get off your self-pitying ass and drive us back up there so we can finish this thing right?"

"Gabriel," Castiel warned. "You cross.."

"Unca Gabe is right Papa."

Both men turned to the voice. Little Dean was standing there, holding his pillow, looking at them with puffy eyes. Castiel moved to scoop him up and put him on the island.

"Son," Cas began.

"Did you tell him you love him Papa?"

"What?" Castiel was stunned by his son's question.

"Did you say the words?" Little Dean tried again. "Dean needs the words. Did you tell him you love him?"

Castiel coloured. "No son, I did not."

"Then we have to go back. We havta Papa!"

Gabriel met Castiel's eyes over the little boys head and arched an eyebrow.

.

.

Sitting at the table in his own kitchen up at the resort, Dean was running out of whisky. It was either that or his kid brother had taken to hiding the stuff. Damn. Didn't he realise that Dean needed the escape right now? Dean didn't want to think back on the events of the past two days. He certainly didn't want to deal with things. He didn't want to remember that he _could feel_ , far less address those feelings.

He'd thought things were bad enough when Lisa turned up at the resort just when he'd found his soul mate again. But _that_ he was prepared to deal with. He could break things off and pursue a future with Cas and Little Dean. Those cruel bitches known as the Fates however, had other plans for him as if they hadn't screwed with his life enough over the years. If his heart had had stopped when Lisa revealed she found the ring, it had absolutely petrified when she assumed it was a proposal and gleefully, tearfully accepted what he _so_ hadn't asked. He could deal with anger, he could deal with screaming; he was prepared for that. He just couldn't deal with tears. Not even the happy kind. It always threw him for a loop. What the hell did he do next? How do you tell your so-called girlfriend that the engagement ring you bought her and she found, doesn't mean you want to marry her because you're in love with a man and have been for half your life? Is there a frickin' Hallmark card for that?

Well if that wasn't bad enough, his petrified heart had absolutely shattered when he looked up and saw Cas and Little Dean in the doorway; Both sets of eyes, looking at him with disbelief and pain and confusion. He'd silently pleaded with Cas to not misunderstand, to give him some time to sort Lisa out and he'd thought that Cas understood. Cas had closed to the door which gave him the privacy he needed with Lisa to tell her things he was sure she didn't want an audience to.

It didn't go well. Lisa's happy tears had turned into heart wrenching sobs of grief. She was not a pretty crier. She argued with him. She pleaded and begged him. She tried to convince him that he was straight and that homosexuality was a sin. She was concerned for his soul and then she was convinced he was going to hell. She accused him of toying with her and her son's affections. She loved him. She hated him. She wanted him. She wanted him dead. Dean felt he owed it to Lisa to let her vent, to help her come to terms with the end of the relationship but it was such a bloody emotional roller coaster. He was still exhausted two days later. The one thing that saw him through it all was the thought that when the door to the bedroom finally opened and the situation with Lisa was finally behind him, Cas would be there waiting for him, waiting to begin their lives.

Only he wasn't.

It was a little after midnight when Lisa had finally calmed down enough to get some sleep and Dean felt that he could leave her alone. He snuck out to go in search of Cas so he could explain quietly what was going on. The bedroom was empty which had confused him at first. He found Sam sitting on the porch steps in front of the house and that's when he knew.

Sitting down next to Sam he asked,

"When did they leave?"

"Just after you went into the room with Lisa," Sam responded. "Is it true? Did you ask Lisa to marry you?"

Dean explained everything to his brother who listened in silence. Sam was quiet for a while before asking,

"Are you going after them?"

Dean thought about it before answering.

"I need to see Lisa off in the morning. Then I'm going to get so drunk that I forget that Cas took off without waiting for me to explain. When I get past that, I'll have to figure out what the hell it will take to make this up to Cas and Dean, and then Sam, I'm going to go find my family. Any chance you can hold the fort down here while I'm gone?"

Sam took a sip of the beer he was holding, "Already called in an extended leave of absence; Family emergency."

Dean had taken the bottle from Sam and knocked back a couple gulps himself before saying, "I'm glad you're my brother man."

Staring off into the darkness Sam had replied "Ditto."

Dean got up from the kitchen table and threw the empty whiskey bottle in the trash. He was past it now. It was time to go get his family back.


	12. Chapter 12

When Castiel, Little Dean and Gabriel pulled into the resort, the first thing they noticed was how dark it was. It was late evening when they got there so yes, darkness was to be expected but this was unnaturally dark. All the lights were off. Not just at the main house but the cabins were all dark. The lights that lit the pathways around the compound seemed to have been shut off. Even the dock area was dark. It was just so very ….spooky.

"This is weird," Cas said to Gabe as he shut off the engine.

They all got out of the car and walked around to the porch of the house using the light from the car's head lamps for direction. There seemed to be no signs of life or activity in the house.

"What the hell is going Gabriel? Do you have any ideas?" Cas asked. The silence was eerie.

Gabe reached down and lifted Little Dean into his arms. He shrugged and made a non-committal noise before his attention got caught by what looked like a line of lights moving through the trees.

"Cassy! Look over there." He pointed Castiel in the direction of the lights but Cas had already seen them.

Cas took a few steps forward to try to get a better look at the lights. What the hell was that? He wasn't one to panic easily but this all seemed very _X-Files_ to him.

"Gabe, why don't you take Dean onto the porch for a little bit," Cas suggested. "I'm going to go get a closer look."

Gabriel didn't respond but turned to head up the few steps leading onto the porch. Cas started walking down towards the light. He stopped after a couple of steps. It seemed to be a stream of people holding some sort of light in their hands, headed straight for him. They had come through the woods and were now walking along the lake. They were all sizes. Adults, teens, kids, all holding cradling these lights. They lined up around the edge of the lake, creating an outline of light as it were and then held their positions. In the darkness, it was quite dramatic. Then the person who was standing in the middle, directly on the path started walking towards Castiel. As he walked, lights on the ground on either side of the path lit up like lights on a runway.

The man, who Castiel had never met before, stopped in front of him. Castiel could see that the lights were little candles, like tea lights or votive type light, in lotus shaped containers.

"Castiel Novak?" he asked.

Cas nodded.

"You need to come with me."

Cas hesitated. He glanced back quickly at the house where he could see the outline of Gabriel.

"They'll be fine," the man assured him. "Let's go."

Castiel wasn't sure why he did, but he followed the man down the path to the docks. The man got into one of the little boats and motioned for Castiel to do the same. Castiel noticed that the others were crowded around the boats as well; some of them climbing in and others passing their lights to those who were already in the boats. One by one the boats pushed off. Castiel got into the boat where the man was still waiting on him and as they pushed off Cas watched as the other boats, moved around the lake area, the occupants placing the lights on to the water so that the lights were floating scattered on the lake, like stars in the sky.

By the time the other boats were done and were heading back to shore, the boat that Castiel was in had reached the floating dock in the lake. The boat bumped up against it and the man motioned for Castiel to get out.

"This is your stop I believe," he said.

Castiel got out of the boat and stood on the edge of the floating dock and watched the boat make its way back to shore. Suddenly the lights at the main house came back on. Castiel could see Gabe, Little Dean and Sam standing on the porch. Other lights came on. Someone or _several someones_ had hung festive lighting all around the compound. It looked like the setting of a party or a celebration. Cas hadn't noticed it in the dark but there were tables set up on shore with food and drinks. And then the music started. Soft sounds of a slow melodic love song filled the air. Cas stood there and watched as people started dancing and eating. He saw Sam, Gabe and Little Dean make their way down to the party area. It was beautiful to look at; the darkness at the back of him acting as a foil to the happy lights before him. _Where was Dean_ he wondered? _What was his part in all of this?_

Just then he heard sounds behind him and turned to find Dean himself standing there, lighting candles on a table that had been moved on to the dock. There on the dock was Dean and all the settings for a romantic candle lit dinner for two. Castiel's breath hitched. He's seen _Flirty Dean_. He'd seen _Smooth Dean_. He'd seen _Sexy Dean_. Hell, he'd even seen _Horny Dean_. He'd never even suspected that _Romantic Dean_ existed. _Was this all for him? Did Dean arrange all of this for him?_

Dean walked up to Castiel and took Cas's hands into his own.

"Cas," Dean began. "I'm not good with the whole feelings talk thing so cut me some slack here. But you gotta know that that I have loved you as long as I've known you. I was an ass for not telling you years ago. I cost us a decade of being with each other. The one saving grace in all of that is… because of it, we have Little Dean who is the most wonderful kid in the world."

"I want to be your life partner Cas. I want to be his dad. It looks like there's a good chance that Gabe will end up being my brother in law which I can't say I'm looking forward to but if I have to be related to that Trickster, please, please, let it be because I share my life with you and not just because of Sam."

Dean lifted one of Cas's hands and kissed his fingers.

"Cas….it's always been you. It's only ever been you. I may not ever say it again because you know how I am but my not saying it doesn't make it less true. I love you Cas. Only you. Always you."

Suddenly Cas's mouth was on Dean's, his body plastered along the length of Dean's body. A cheer erupted from the crowd on the shore.

Dean grinned against Cas's mouth. "I think they believe you just agreed to marry me."

Cas grinned back. "I love you Dean. And I did."

.

.

On the shore Sam Gabe and Little Dean watched the two men wrapped up in each other's arms begin to sway in time to the music.

"We did it Unca Gabe. We did it. Our family is complete!"

Gabriel smiled at his nephew. Little Dean was beaming with happiness and pride.

"We sure did slugger," Gabe replied. "Your Mama must be so proud of you right now. Wherever she is, you've made her so happy. You did good kid. You did good. Dean didn't do too badly himself. I don't know how you got all the campers to cooperate but I'm glad I texted you that we were coming back. It worked out well."

Sam put his arm around Gabriel and pulled to two of them close. Sam had let Dean know that Cas was coming back to him and Dean had put together the romantic surprise with the help of the guests who were very willing to help him win the man of his dreams. Gabe looked up at him and Sam dropped a quick kiss on his lips.

"I'm pretty happy with the way things worked out myself," he said to Gabe.

"Ain't happy endings a hoot?" Gabe quipped.

Sam smiled, looking out at Dean and Cas out on the floating dock. _Yes,_ he thought, _yes they were._

"Sam? Have you seen Dean?" Someone tapped Sam on the shoulder (more like upper arm because it wasn't easy to reach up that high).

Letting go of Gabe, he turned around to find Lisa and her son Ben standing there.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) I was so tempted to leave the last chapter off util tomorrow but I couldn't. Thank you guys so much for reading and for letting me know through reviews and kudos that you liked it!

Dean and Castiel were on the floating dock together for about an hour before Dean fired a flare into the sky, signalling to Sam that they were ready to come ashore. The same gentleman who had ferried Castiel out to the floating dock, returned to collect them, wearing a huge grin on his face. Cas and Dean held hands as he rowed them back to shore, stealing glances at each other and blushing. Cas had never been so happy as he was in that moment. His soaring heart took a nosedive though as they docked and in his quick scan for his son and brother, his eyes fell upon Lisa and a little boy he assumed was her son Ben.

"Dean," he said drawing his boyfriend's attention, "You have a visitor."

Dean looked over to see who Cas was referring to and stopped in his tracks when he saw her with Ben. _Damn,_ he thought, _was she here to use Ben as leverage on his guilt_? Ben looked so excited to see him; he couldn't help but feel a little guilty for the hurt the boy would feel. Dean genuinely liked Ben Braeden. He enjoyed spending time with the boy and he knew that Ben considered him a father figure of sorts. In an ideal world he'd be able to maintain a friendship with Ben. He couldn't be the boy's father, he knew that, but he would mind being a favoured Uncle in the kids life. He looked past Lisa and Ben to see Sam, Gabriel and Little Dean coming down to greet them.

His heart strings pulled tight. _There_ was his son – _Dean, the next generation_. He couldn't wait to adopt him formally and tack the "Winchester" on to the "Novak" legally. The trio reached them and Dean took Little Dean in his arms. Little Dean pinned him with his most serious look, his head tilted down and his brow furrowed over his brilliant blue eyes.

"You're my dad, not his," he warned. "I just found you Dean and I won't give you up."

Dean hugged him tight and kissed his forehead.

"Damn straight I am son, " Dean assured him. "Now I have to go talk to them, and I'm not sure how that will go but I promise you that I'm coming right back to you and Cas and this time you'd better be there waiting for me."

Little Dean flushed and looked contrite. "I'm sorry we left Dean. But we love you and we came back to tell you and to keep you. I promise we'll be here."

Dean smiled at Little Dean, and passed him to Castiel, pressing a quick kiss to Cas's mouth as he did the hand over.

"Can you give me a couple minutes here Cas?" he asked. "I know the timing sucks but the sooner this is fixed, the faster we can get on with our happy-ever-after."

Cas smiled at him. "Our ‘ _happy-ever-after’_? You know Dean if I had known this sappy side of you existed back in college, you'd never have been able to leave me. Go fix this. And be kind. She can't help loving you."

Dean Winchester felt as if he were the luckiest man alive. Bolstered by the love and support of his family, he turned and walked up the path to where Lisa and Ben waited.

He knelt when he got to them, hugging the little boy.

"Hey Benny, it's good to see you." He ruffled the kids hair as he stood up and looked at Lisa cautiously.

"I'm really surprised to see you Lise. Things didn't end so well between us a couple days ago."

Lisa's face coloured and she looked away. Dean waited for her to speak. After a minute she looked at him again and in a subdued tone spoke.

"I…um owe you an apology Dean. I said things that I never should have. I was mean and hurtful and I know.… _you know..._ that's not who I am."

Dean nodded in acknowledgement of her words.

"I was hurt and angry and I tried to hurt you in retaliation. It only occurred to me last night that the pain I inflicted was deliberate whereas you never meant to hurt me. You've been in love with the one person your entire life. Whatever you know about love, you've learnt from him. You learnt love _with_ him."

She hesitated as if she was trying to find the right words.

"I'm not a homophobe Dean. I was just being nasty and I am truly regretful that I was. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I'd like it if Ben and I can continue to be a part of your life – of your life with him and Little Dean. Who knows….Ben and Little Dean are only a year apart. Maybe they could be friends or pretend cousins or something."

She looked away again as if she expected him to reject her words and was afraid to see the rejection on his eyes, on his face.

Dean just walked up to her and hugged her tight. "I love you Lise. I'm not in love with you but I do care about you and Ben. I know Cas and I would be happy to have you both as a part of our extended family."

She started sobbing with happiness, her tears soaking his shoulder.

Dean turned and signalled for everyone to join them which they did. Dean explained Lisa's reason for coming up and her hopes for the future and then it was hugs all around. The adults were laughing and chatting that they didn't notice the two boys looking at each other.

"So Dean's going to be your dad huh?" Ben asked Little Dean.

"Yes. It's what my Mama said was meant to be."

"You're lucky. I wish he was mine."

Little Dean could understand why but Dean was always meant to be with Little Dean's Papa. And what's meant to be is meant to be. You can't change it, force it, kill it or deny it. That's the thing about love.


End file.
